Vol. 1 - Kimi mo Shiranai Jyaren no Hate ni
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Prologue
A few decades from now, prostitution became legalized and the first red district area was reopened. Traditional playhouses and high class brothels were rebuilt, and the old Yoshihara is taking shape once again.
***
Although he had promised not to try escape again, Fuki’s hands were tied behind his back. When the gangster who’d brought Fuki opened the screen, he saw a room with scarlet walls.
He was feeling flustered ever since they had passed the gates to what seemed like another world, where it looked as if time had stopped at the Meiji Era. It seemed unbelievable that just a month ago, he had been going to school and leading an ordinary life. The room had elements of Chinese influences rather than being purely Japanese in style -The wooden floors were covered by carpet and the only furniture was a silk chair with gold embroidery. It looked like the throne room of some castle.
On the chair sat the man who had bought Fuki.
He was dressed in a classic English suit and looked to be in his mid-thirties. With an air of elegance around him, he hardly looked like someone who ran a brothel. The man crossed his long legs, cheek resting against his hand as he took a long look at Fuki.
"I see. He's quite a beauty."
"Isn't he? He's pretty well born too. He's the young master of a hostelry[1] with some prestige..." Perhaps he had no interest in Fuki's background or he'd heard it all before. Whatever the reason, the man cut off his spiel.
"Come closer." He commanded. The gangster nudged Fuki, who was frozen with trepidation.
".......Nn." Unable to catch himself with his bound hands, Fuki went falling onto the floor. He scrambled to get up and lifted his head. The man held Fuki's chin, staring intently at Fuki's face while turning it this way and that.
"You have very fine skin."
"..."
"It looks like I can expect something of your body, then." He removed his hand, but before Fuki could breathe a sigh of relief, ordered,
"Show me."
What? Fuki lifted his downcast face in disbelief. Strip here? He wondered if he had misunderstood, but his new master's cold gaze told him that there was no mistake.
"Take off your clothes, open your legs and spread your own ass."
"....nng"
It was an unbelievable request, one that forced onto Fuki's mind just what kind of trade he was going to be in from now on. Just to think that a while back, he had thought the reopening of the red district had nothing to do with him. The master gave a thin smile at Fuki's hesitation.
"Are you scared?"
"..."
"I suppose you would be. The prostitution laws have been abolished for some years, and this is Hanafurirou, the men's pleasure house, after all." Fuki had been sold here. However much he feared or hated it, he could no longer escape.
"Your name?"
"...Fuki Nagatsuma."
Despite his resolve, his voice shook.
"I'll ask you to leave that name as of today. Your new name will be...how about Hotaru? A voiceless firefly with a burning body. A cute name, that suits you well."
Hotaru...Fuki repeated it in his mind.
And so began Fuki's days as Hotaru at Hanafurirou.
1
It was straight after graduation from Junior High School that Fuki was called to his brother's room, where he was told to go to Yoshihara. As usual, his brother Hirotsugu was wearing his kimono in a shabby fashion. He wore kimonos ever since he had succeeded the inn, but no one could say he looked the part of master. Furthermore, he sat drinking copious amounts of sake[2]. Numerous bottles were scattered on the floor, making Fuki wonder just how much Hirotsugu had drunk.
"Yoshihara..." Just a while ago, it had been a bathhouse town[3]. But now that the prostitution laws were abolished, it was where all the playhouses and brothels had been re-established. Fuki didn't understand why Hirotsugu would want him to go there.
"Do you know about Hanafurirou?"
"Hanafurirou?"
"S'pose a brat wouldn't know." Hirotsugu shrugged.
"Hanafurirou is a renowned gay brothel." Fuki was nonplussed.
Although he knew gay bars existed, he hadn't thought about it to the extent of brothels.
"To go there...You mean..." The meaning of Hirotsugu's words began to dawn on Fuki, but he couldn't help but thinking it was impossible. Was his own brother trying to sell him to a pleasure house?
"Someone kindly introduced me there a while back. What they call a mediator, I guess." Hirotsugu's eyes glittered maliciously, staring at him as if licking him with his gaze. In that instant, Fuki's mind recalled a memory. It was when he had been trying to visit his ailing father.
"I'm tellin' ya to dish out all you've got!" Fuki rushed in hearing the loan shark's raised voice behind the screens.
"Father!" Inside the room sat his father and a man in a flamboyant suit, obviously yakuza.
In response to the man's threat, his father had been about to hand over what little savings he had. The man took the money, but tsked in irritation at how little there was. The inn's finances had been sliding into the red ever since Hirotsugu had taken over from his bedridden father, and there was no longer any money to be had.
"Y'think I'm satisfied with this? If ya don't do somethin' quick, I'll have yer pay with yer life insurance, know what I mean?" The man stood up and tried to slide past Fuki, who had been frozen by the screen and stopped. He looked down and studied Fuki's face intently. Uncomfortable with the scrutiny, Fuki turned his face away, only to have his jaw jerked back.
"Hey, hey, this is gold right here...Looks like you'll live a little longer, old man." Laughing, the man left.
No doubt the someone with introductions had been that man. His brother's eyes seemed to take on the same shine as that man's, making Fuki shudder.
"Apparently you're quite something.' Said Hirotsugu, 'Says you'll rake it in easy even at Hanafurirou. Isn't that great?" He chuckled.
Fuki was angry that Hirotsugu seemed so carefree about the situation caused by his own lax management. 15 years older than Fuki, Hirotsugu had succeeded management of the inn four years and a half after their father fell ill. Despite his good grades at school, Hirotsugu was unable to manage the inn. Or put into exact terms, he wasn't interested in managing it successfully.
Did his brother resent the burden he was forcibly made to inherit? Fuki wondered. He ordered things about as he pleased, and fired long-time staff who admonished his actions. As a result, it wasn't long before the inn's finances started to crumble. It was made worse when Hirotsugu dappled in stocks to try make up for the loss, and banks were no longer willing to give them a loan. Finally, his brother had resorted to ill-gotten money. Current investment laws were getting looser and looser, and conflicts between the mafia and police were escalating by the day. Both factors resulted in violent and harsh methods used by debt collectors.
It was now an everyday occurrence that disreputable men would come barging in to yell at Hirotsugu, or wake their bed-ridden father by hurling abuse and taking what little money they had.
Fuki understood that things were not going right. But because the inn was still operating and he as a child had no part in its management, he had been underestimating the circumstances. Never would he have believed it was such that he, a man, would have to pay back the loan with his body.
"But..." Hirotsugu said to the dazed Fuki,
"I wonder if you're really that fine? I'm not a faggot, but it makes me wanna try you out."
At those words, Fuki became filled with anger. Was this really the time to be saying something like that? He unconsciously clenched his fists at the thought of his brother who refused to be serious even at times like these.
"It's a joke, a joke." Hirotsugu said as if to soothe him, but then immediately began grinning.
"Wouldn't lay a hand on you. You'll lose value if you aren't a virgin."
"Brother, no way am I selling..." Selling his body to pay back the debts was ridiculous. The debt wasn't his fault. If they were so desperate for money, Fuki thought, it should be his brother selling his body, regardless of what price a 30 year old man would fetch.
"There's nothing to worry about, you know? I'll rebuild the inn and ransom you back in no time." Fuki felt no reassurance by his brother's words. Was he even capable of rebuilding it? And how long was it going to take him anyway?
"Besides, I'm not selling you to any old whorehouse. Hanafurirou's one of the best. Clientele's classy, and you get paid doing something that feels good. What's there to complain about? I'd even do it for you if I was 10 years younger." It sounded as if Fuki should be grateful he'd been sold to a high class brothel. Saying that he'd get paid doing something that felt good, and that he’d buy him back in an instant. That careless spouting of nonsense and lies were typical of his brother.
"But...!!!" While Fuki desperately tried to butt in, his brother ploughed on.
"Oh, I know. You're worried about the old man, eh? Who'll look after him when you're gone?"
"Th...There's that too..."
After hiring a nurse became impossible, Fuki, Hirotsugu and the inn workers took turns in looking after their father. At a time where the workers were quitting due to delayed pay, Fuki was extremely worried to leave him alone. But...
"No need to worry." Hirotsugu's lips danced in a dark smile.
"I'll look after the old man, so we don't end up with his life insurance, huh?"
Fuki swallowed his breath. Was Hirotsugu threatening him? If he didn't go to Yoshihara, did it mean that the debt would be paid back with their father's life insurance- albeit his life? He wasn't serious. Even Hirotsugu wouldn't kill his own parents for money. Would he? Fuki couldn't believe his brother. In reality, here he was trying to sell off his blood related brother.
"If ya don't do somethin' quick, I'll have yer pay with yer life insurance, know what I mean?" The debt collector's words rang in Fuki's ears.
"You're sixteen already. It's high time you helped out your family, don't you think?" Fuki wanted to hurl those words back at his brother. At twice Fuki’s age, what the hell was he doing? But he couldn't say it. His father was virtually held hostage; even if Hirotsugu didn't kill him, those yakuza might just do it. Besides, however much he refused, he was probably going to be dragged off to Yoshihara anyway. Even if he ran away, he would have nowhere to go, and he would effectively be deserting his father.
In the end, there was no other option.
***
Once it was decided Fuki would be sold to Yoshihara, servants and traders, anyone who had contact with them began to whisper about the decision. It wasn't that anyone mouthed off about it, but rather, such things had a way of getting about on their own. They would talk in whispers, stopping when Fuki passed by. Hirotsugu wasn't known as a great manager, and so there were many who pitied Fuki who was being sold to clean up after his debts. But amongst them, there were those who would scorn him or give comments that were bordering on sexual harassment.
"I never thought he'd sell his own brother...but, well, I can understand if it's Fuki-san."
"Takes after the late lady, really. That face is prettier than most girls!"
"Yeah, his skin's so white, makes me wanna to poke him. Can too, with enough money once he's at the place."
"Idiot, what're you saying? He's still the young master."
"I'm only joking. He's a man, after all."
"…But it makes you curious, doesn't it?"
The crowd tittered.
Hearing such kind of talk every time he went from the food hall to his room, Fuki sighed on the porch, hidden by the shadow of the screen. He tried to leave unnoticed. At that moment, a screen on the opposite corridor opened with a slap. The room fell silent in a moment. I wonder who came in? Fuki peered into the room from a gap between two screens. When he saw who it was, Fuki swallowed his breath.
Ouichirou! He was indeed the only person in the inn able to silence a room by merely entering it. Though Fuki often saw him from afar, it was a long time since he'd seen him this close.
Ouichirou Ikami was the son of an employee. When Fuki was young, Ouichirou had effectively been his caretaker. But ever since Ouichirou had graduated high school and gotten a part-time job to help out his family, they'd spent virtually no time together at all. Truthfully, Fuki knew it wasn't that Ouichirou was too busy to see him. It's because Ouichirou hates me. The thought made his heart squeeze painfully. Unconsciously gripping his shirt, Fuki hid himself in the shadows to observe unnoticed. In the room, Ouichirou was staring down at the gossipers with an expression as cold as ice.
"Weren't you in the middle of work?" Both his low voice and his gaze was ripe with contempt, making them all look away. Perhaps the workers had felt guilty from the beginning- for although they mumbled complaints, they all filtered out of the room.
Alone, Ouichirou sighed. Suddenly, his gaze landed on the porch where Fuki stood. He came closer. Fuki instinctively ducked his and lowered his body. He'd been thinking he would like to talk with Ouichirou at least once before he left. Even without a chance like this one, Fuki had been planning to go to Ouichrou's room tonight.
But Fuki didn't want to see Ouichirou like this- knowing Ouichirou had heard the unpleasant rumours, and being seen listening to them himself was both embarrassing and painful. In the next moment, Ouichirou would open the screen. Fuki cautiously lifted his head, and there directly above him stood Ouichirou. He must've been surprised that it was Fuki -looking down at Fuki, his slanted eyes widened.
Ouichirou...Their eyes met. It was the first time in a long while to see Ouichirou like this - he hadn't come to greet them for the New Year, which made their encounter over a year ago. Fuki admired the handsome face above him. He's matured, he thought. The childish roundness was gone, leaving the face of a youth. His piercing gaze, however, remained unchanged.
Fuki searched for something to say - otherwise, he feared, Ouichirou might leave without a word. If he started a conversation, Ouichirou would reply, however much he disliked it. It had always been the same. Fuki knew it was not done out of kindness, but out of a sense of duty due to their relationship as master and servant. Even so, he didn't want him to go.
He'd first met Ouichirou when he was nine. It was when his mother had died. Ouichirou had been 12. Ouichirou's father had been hired as the inn chauffer. A live-in employee, he had began to live in Fuki's house along with his son. His wife had died just before it had been decided they would move in, so they lived with just the two of them. The inn had always had an attitude of mastery towards the family of its employees, and at such close proximity, it was inevitable that work and personal relationships would be intertwined. Even at a young age, Fuki knew that Ouichirou would not disobey him.
It was something Fuki learnt later on, but Ouichirou's father had been a yakuza. He had a tattoo on his back, and he always wore a glove on his hand which was missing a pinky[4]. Fuki didn't know how or even why Ouichirou's father had quit his gang, and nor did he know why his father had hired him. He did know, however, that he felt indebted towards Fuki's father, couldn't leave the inn easily, and that finding re-employment would be extremely difficult for him.
"You're of similar age, he'll be a good playmate."
Taking advantage of what his father said, the young Fuki had made Ouichirou exclusively his. Always keeping him by his side, Fuki sent him on trivial errands and bid Ouichirou to generally look after him. He was his playmate, and though he had no intention of studying whatsoever, he also made him his tutor. Whilst exasperated, Ouichirou had always listened to Fuki's demands.
To Fuki, being with Ouichirou was the most enjoyable thing in the world. But no doubt to Ouichirou, hanging about the boss's kid three years younger was a bore. Despite this knowledge, Fuki dominated his time after school and even on weekends and holidays. He bound Ouichirou to himself completely, giving him no time to spend with his friends.
He noticed Ouichirou's gaze growing colder towards him, and it made him sorrowful. But by then, he knew no other way to hold Ouichirou's interest other than to order him around.
Now, Fuki bitterly regretted his own attitude towards Ouichirou. Why had he acted like that? He'd only wanted to be friends, but he hadn't been able to do anything else. If he were to start now, he would...would he only repeat the same mistakes?
The Ikami's had eventually stopped living at the main house and had rented a nearby apartment instead. Ouichirou graduated high school, and using part-time work as an excuse, he didn't come home until late, and stopped coming by the main house altogether.
Nothing Fuki said then held any sway.
"If I don't work, I can't pay my school fees, can I?" Fuki hadn't been able to say anything against Ouichirou's cool reply. By that time, his father had already fallen ill, and the inn had already started to crumble under Hirotsugu's management. They were struggling to pay salaries let alone bonuses.
He'd seen Ouichirou with a woman once, too. When Fuki reproached him, Ouichirou had replied,
"So what if you don’t like it?" And that had been the end.
That had been 3 years ago---.
Now, Ouichirou was looking down at him after the awkward turn of events.
"...It's been a while."
In the end, Fuki could only say those careless, generic words. There had been so much he had wanted to say to Ouichirou, but faced with him in reality, Fuki couldn't say any of it. It was like his mind had been blanked out.
"...Yes."
Ouichirou looked unwilling, but even so, he gave Fuki a reply. Fuki unwittingly gave a sigh of relief. They hadn't seen each other in an age, but there was no reason for him to be so tense about a short conversation. Nevertheless, it wouldn't have been surprising if he'd been ignored. Now that the inn was covered in debt and Fuki was being sold off, there was no reason for Ouichirou to pay him any mind.
"It's unusual of you to come here. Were you asked to do something for the inn?"
"...Yes. I suppose."
"I see..." There was nothing Fuki could say to the short reply. He gave a small sigh. He must know Fuki was getting sold. Doesn't he have any intention to be friendly at least at the end? Fuki thought, and gave himself the reply- Probably not.
'Oh, by the way, I heard you've decided on a university. Medicine, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"Congratulations. You should be proud." I'm so glad I could congratulate him, Fuki thought as he spoke. They were words he had been wanting to say ever since he'd heard Ouichirou had got into university. Ouichirou's mother had died young due to illness, and Fuki knew that was a direct influence on his decision to study medicine. He was sincerely glad that Ouichirou had been accepted.
"You've always had brains...Unlike me, who didn't get anything you taught me."
"Isn't that because you weren't listening?"
"I don't think that's it..." Truth be told, Ouichirou was right. Fuki just liked to gaze at his face and listen to him talk. Ouichirou gave him a look of exasperation and didn't reply.
"Um...When do you leave? You rented an apartment in Tokyo, didn't you?"
"The day after tomorrow."
"I see...Guess I'm leaving before you then." Tomorrow, he would be heading towards Yoshihara.
"...I won't be able to see you anymore." For a moment, it looked as if Ouichirou wanted to say something. Fuki waited, but in the end he just closed his mouth. Fuki gave a small sigh once more.
"...Happy you’re leaving the inn?" The sarcastic words slipped out of Fuki's mouth.
It was true Fuki had agreed to sell himself because he had no choice. But it was also because he hadn’t wanted to lose the inn. He felt that if he lost the inn, the one connection he had with Ouichirou was gone. But Ouichirou was happily leaving the inn.
Ouichirou didn't reply. He might have been angry. He didn't agree, but neither did he refute Fuki's statement. That was probably his reply.
"Oh, I forgot." Fuki said to tear the awkward silence. And as if he'd just thought of it, he stuck his hand in his parka and held out the object. He had been carrying it for days looking for an opportunity to give it to Ouichirou.
"Your university admission present."
"An Omamori?" Ouichirou looked at the red charm dubiously. The charm looked tiny in comparison to his large hand.
"It’s for studying. It's no use to me. But...someone gave it to me." Fuki had bought it himself, but somehow, he felt that Ouichirou would be more likely to accept it if he said he'd gotten it from somebody else.
Ouichirou clutched it in his hand and didn't say anything. He's going to reject it, Fuki thought. Please don't, Fuki prayed desperately. It was strange to say it was a keepsake, but Fuki wanted Ouichirou to have something connecting to him if they were going to be separated.
Ouichirou didn't reject it. Instead, he stood there glaring down at Fuki and opened his mouth.
"Why won't you run away?"
"What...?"
"You know what it means to be sold to a brothel, don't you?” Fuki was surprised that Ouichirou voluntarily spoke to him. Not in a distant formal address either, but casually as he had when they were younger. Fuki was so overjoyed he broke out into a smile.
"I wonder how long it's been since you last talked to me properly?" At Fuki's evasive words, Ouichirou's gaze became even more severe. Watching his expression, Fuki gave him a small smile.
"...You sympathizing?"
"Who'd sympathize with you...I just want to know why you’re going along with that guy and getting sold off."
Ouichirou always called Hirotsugu 'that guy'. They'd never gotten along, even more so now that Hirotsugu had racked up a massive debt.
Even a memory like that one made Fuki nostalgic.
"...It can't be helped. Dad's sick, my brother's like that, and we have tons of debt from weird places...There's nothing else we can do."
"So you're going to be the family's sacrificial goat? You didn't even make the debt."
"Well that's true..."
"Then why do you need to be the sacrifice?! Even going to the lengths of selling your body. What age are you living in? It's ridiculous!"
"...Ouichirou..."
That he was so furious on his behalf made Fuki happy. But that he knew what would happen to him made it painful as being sliced by a blade.
"...I'm not really a sacrifice...I'm a member of the family too, you know, I have to do something as well...Besides, it's not like there's any other way..."
Fuki tested out his brother's words. Not that he truly thought they were right.
"...Unless you’re going to save us?" Fuki joked. He knew full well Ouichirou had no such plans. Still, his silence was bruising on Fuki's heart.
As if to shake it off, Fuki looked away.
"Anyway, apparently it's not so bad. Brother says I'll be number one. You heard them before, didn't you? I excite them, even if I'm a guy."
"I..."
"Oh yeah, your university is around Ueno, isn't it? It's not far from Yoshihara...and it’s a rare chance...You can come buy me if you want. It's a pretty expensive place, but for old time's sake I'll..." Fuki stopped. He had looked up at Ouichirou, whose expression was terrifying. It was so cold, it made Fuki shiver. And there in his eyes clearly lay contempt.
"Then do what you like." Ouichirou spat out the words, and immediately turned away.
"O......" Fuki raised a hand, but no words came to his lips.
***
That night, Fuki couldn't get to sleep. I shouldn't have said something like that. Thinking of Ouichirou's expression made his heart burn.
"You can come buy me if you want." How horrible Ouichirou must have felt being told that, especially when he didn't have any interest in men. Being told by a guy, a guy like Fuki who was going to be sold for cash.
I shouldn't have said it. I knew he wouldn't come anyway." It wasn't a place many men could afford. But before that, Ouichirou wasn't the type to go to pleasure houses. Definitely not for women, never mind for men. Even as a joke I shouldn't have said it.
But that he was so shocked by his cold eyes...Maybe I was pretty serious after all, thought Fuki. If Ouichirou wasn't a client, it was likely they would never meet again. But if it wasn't just that? If I could sleep with Ouichirou...Fuki was suddenly embarrassed. What a stupid thought. If Ouichirou heard it, he would be disgusted. But once he became aware of it, there was no turning back.
He had never acknowledged it as love, but perhaps he had loved Ouichirou in that way all along. Fuki had taken a liking to him from the beginning.
"Can I have him?" He'd asked while pointed at Ouichirou. Ouichirou wasn't an employee, so there was no way it would have normally been allowed. But Fuki had forcefully made him into his personal servant. With his outrageous and selfish demands, he tested Ouichirou's loyalty- Well, he'd meant it to be friendship. He hadn't wanted to be a master, but a friend.
In that, he had completely failed. Too young, too spoilt and with no knowledge of the world or how to act with other people whatsoever, he just hadn't known enough.
And because Ouichirou was so cold, he wasn't the tiniest bit kind. Hey, wasn’t I hated from the beginning? He laughed wryly to realize it now. But even as he laughed, his chest felt as if it was being crushed, and tears oozed out of his eyes.
But I'm glad we got to talk. He thought. Because this might truly be the end.
Fuki's 'employment' was for ten years. His brother had said he'd come fetch him back as soon as the inn was back on its feet, but Fuki knew that was completely unreliable. Even if Fuki were able to come back some day, would Ouichirou be here?
Ten years...Ouichirou would be twenty eight. Even if the inn were restored, he would be self-dependent enough to be fine by himself. By that time, he might have even taken his sixty-something father to live happily somewhere far away.
Fuki had heard that because his grades were so good, Ouichirou's distant relatives were supporting him. And now that he had been accepted into medicine, which could be considered the ultimate pinnacle, his future was pretty much guaranteed. Even if they were to meet again, no doubt he would have become a great man. At that time, Fuki himself would be different too.
We'd be living in different worlds. He was glad, then, that he'd met him when his body was still clean, despite how they'd parted. I wonder if he'll keep that charm for me? Would he sometimes think of Fuki? Even if we don't see each other again, please be well, and good luck with your studies.
Fuki lay in the darkness, thinking of Ouichirou.
***
He was woken up by a tapping sound on the screen. He rose, wondering when he'd fallen asleep. He'd thought he had imagined it, but the sound came again, mixing with the sound of rain that had begun halfway through the night. A burglar? He'd never heard of a burglar who knocks. Fuki thought of ignoring it, but it bothered him so much he cautiously got out of bed. He opened the paper screen, and unlocking the wooden one, peeked outside. His heart almost stopped in surprise.
"Ou...!!!" His shout was cut off by Ouichirou's palm. Dropping down to his knees, Ouichirou pushed inside and shut the screen behind him.
"...Why're...you..." Fuki sputtered when his mouth was finally released. He didn't understand why Ouichirou was here.
"...Be quiet." Ouichirou commanded in a low voice. Fuki automatically closed his mouth. Ouichirou was looking at him with frightening eyes. His shirt was soaked through at the shoulders, and his hair was drenched. Thinking it must be freezing like that at this time of the year, Fuki wiped him off with his pyjama sleeve.
“What’s happened?” Fuki asked hesitantly. In the next instant, Ouichirou slammed both hands down on the tatami[5].
“Ouichirou…!” Surprised, Fuki let out a cry. Ouichirou said,
“Run away with me.”
Fuki was at a loss for words.
“Don’t do something like selling yourself. Run away with me. Then we’ll live together somewhere far away. I swear I’ll protect you.”
Fuki couldn’t believe this was real– he doubted his own ears. But still, he felt tears welling up.
“Wha…What’re you saying… all of a sudden…”
“Run. I’m begging you.”
“Ha…Stop..Stop Joking.” Fuki tried to laugh it off. Avoiding Ouichirou’s piercing gaze, he began to rise.
“I’ll get you a towel.”
His arm was jerked backwards, pulling him back.
“I’m serious.”
“Th…There’s no way I could do that!” Fuki yelled, forgetting the need to be quiet. Coming back to himself, he lowered his voice.
“There’s no way I can do that. The deals been made already. Besides, if I don’t go, dad and the inn…”
“How is that your responsibility!? That bastard made the debts himself by screwing around. If you run, they’ll take care of themselves somehow.”
“It’s because there is no somehow that I’m being sold!”
“Then there won’t be a somehow. It’s got nothing to do with you!”
Fuki began to realize Ouichirou was deadly serious. He would take Fuki and run away with him. Whether it was out of a sense of justice or because he hated Hirotsugu, Fuki didn’t care. He was just happy that Ouichirou would suggest it.
“…Run away with me.” Repeated Ouichirou.
“But…”
“You, didn’t you used to be more selfish? So why…”
“Ouichirou…”
Yes, he had been selfish. He’d thought the world had revolved around himself. He hadn’t cared a whit for other people. And because he was selfish, he had been hated by Ouichirou.
Which was why Fuki bitterly regretted his past self.
“…What don’t you like? Even if you don’t like me, isn’t it a hundred times better to be held by me than by masses of strangers?”
“…being held?” Fuki felt his face turn scarlet. Had Ouichirou thought that far ahead? Did this mean it wasn’t just to prevent him from being sold?
His thoughts just made him flush even more.
“Ah…no…” As if he’d realized what he’d said, Ouichirou stopped.
“It’s fine…if you don’t want to…”
Though the situation was grave, Ouichirou’s bashful expression and halting words were so dear that Fuki had to laugh.
“It’s not a laughing matter.”
“…Sorry.”
“You don’t have to be held. Just run away with me.”
“…even if you say that…”
Fuki was on the verge of going along with Ouichirou. He was desperately suppressing his heart as it began hope. He wondered why Ouichirou would go so far for him.
“…It’s not that easy for you either, is it? You can’t leave your father behind easily. There’s no way he’d be left alone if you ran away with me. Plus you just got accepted at university, right? What’re you gonna say to your relatives?”
“Don’t you think I would’ve of thought of all that?”
“Then why!?”
“Because you’re more important!” Ouichirou yelled as if to block out Fuki’s words.
“…Ouichirou…” Fuki whispered, stunned.
“…didn’t… anything..till now…” His voice shook.
“You didn’t say anything! I thought you hated me!”
“If only I could! You’ve always been a handful. And selfish.”
“..S..Sorry! Geez.”
“But I can’t bear it.” Ouichirou cut across Fuki’s sputtering.
“Just the thought of some other guy touching you sickens me. Makes me want to tear both of you to pieces. –You,’ Ouichirou continued in a strangled voice.
“I love you.”
“…” Fuki’s mind was blank. But Ouichirou had been so cold!
Fuki couldn’t connect Ouichirou’s past coldness and the passion he had now.
Surprised and disbelieving, Fuki couldn’t suppress the happiness welling up in his heart.
Run away with me, Ouichirou repeated again. Fuki reached out his hand and gently laid it on Ouichirou’s head. Soaked with rain, it was still unexpectedly soft as it had been in the past.
Raising his head, Ouichirou took Fuki’s hand and drew him in. Heated lips pressed together.
Fuki succumbed, unable to rebel against the temptation any longer.
By midnight, Fuki had finished packing and was led by Ouichirou away from his room. They went through the garden down the mountain to avoid being seen. The dark mountain path was hard to navigate, especially in the pouring rain.
“Watch your step.” Said Ouichirou, taking Fuki’s hand. Fuki laughed softly.
“It feels weird.” Ouichirou looked at him dubiously, his face lit by the moon. His excellent physique and atmosphere of danger often gave people a forbidding impression, but Fuki thought that beyond that, Ouichirou had very refined features. Fuki loved it, for it was as if something beautiful peeked out from within.
“…What is?”
“You being nice.” Ouichirou gave a wry smile.
In places where the footing was especially bad, he went down first and gently lifted Fuki down. Then he would take his hand once more.
Even while apologizing to his father in his mind, Fuki was delirious with happiness.
There was a station just near the bottom of the mountain.
“Where are we going?” Fuki asked, as they walked along the path that had evened out considerably.
“I guess it’s easier to blend in where there’s lots of people? Tokyo? Oosaka?”
“Where do you want to go? I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, and show you anything you want to see.”
“Even to the ends of the earth?”
“Even to the ends of the earth.” Fuki smiled. If only they could keep walking like this with their hands held forever.
“Even to the ends of the earth.” Fuki smiled. If only they could keep walking like this with their hands held forever.
“…Oh, I know. Hiroshima.”
“Hiroshima?”
“I heard it’s where you’re born?”
Fuki had heard something like that years ago. He thought he would love to visit the place where Ouichirou had lived until he was twelve. Though there were rumours they’d ended up at the inn because they had been chased away from there.
“There’s nothing interesting there.”
“You don’t want to? Weren’t you taking me anywhere I wanted?”
“…Fine.”
It probably didn’t hold pleasant memories for him. But for Fuki, he would go. Overjoyed, Fuki hung onto Ouichirou’s arm.
“What’re you laughing about?”
“Who knows…Guess I’m happy. Hey look, it’s the station.”
Ahead, the station lights became visible.
The gates were still closed, but they could just wait till the first train. Every moment spent with Ouichirou was enjoyable to Fuki. But such thoughts were shattered a few meters from the station.
A group of men appeared from the shadows, with the same air as the debt collectors.
“That…”
“Yeah.”
When Fuki pointed with them out with a shaking voice, Ouichirou squeezed hand and whispered for him to get ready to run. Giving a tiny nod, Fuki turned his head back to the gzoup. He froze.
There stood Hirotsugu in his kimono with his arms crossed, a sneer on his face.
“Brother…why…”
“I was keeping an eye out, because I thought it might be something like this. Then what do you know? Your lights flicker in the middle of the night. Obviously your room was empty when I went to check. So I waited for you here, see.”
Fuki ground his teeth. He’d only switched the light on for an instant when he was packing. Just a flicker, and it had set his brother off- So he did have a sharp mind after all. If only he would use it for managing the inn.
“Yo, Ouichirou.” Hirotsugu shifted his gaze to him.
“An elopement, huh? Pretty bold of you. But he is my dear brother, after all, and I need him back squeaky clean.”
Fuki felt Ouichirou clench his fists. Hirotsugu gestured with his chin to the men behind them. As soon as they turned around, they were on Ouichirou.
“Oichirou!” Fuki cried. Ouichirou covered Fuki with his back, and avoided a blow from a swinging bat. But it wasn’t over. One by one the men came at him. Ouichirou grabbed their collars and punched them in the solar plexus, kicking them. He was stronger than the experienced yakuza. But it was four against one, making it hard to break away.
Fuki began to look around for a weapon when his arm was grabbed from behind. Hirotsugu.
“You’re coming with me.”
“Let go!”
“Fuki!”
Ouichirou turned towards them. Something glinted in his opponent’s hand.
“Ouichirou!” Fuki screamed. The yakuza ran full pelt towards Ouichirou with his knife. He’ll be killed! Fuki’s heart stopped. The knife missed his body and scraped his arm instead. Taking advantage that his opponent was off balance, Ouichirou twisted their arm. The dull snap echoed in the air, and the knife fell to the ground with a clang.
Fuki struggled frantically to get away. But while his brother wasn’t as strong as Ouichirou, he wasn’t easy to shake off. He bit Hirotsugu’s arm and slipped away, but his arm came reaching for Fuki once more. Snatching the bat off the ground, Fuki slammed it down as hard as he could on his brother’s leg. Without looking to see if he’d hit it, Fuki scrambled to get back up when a hand reached towards him.
“Ouichirou! Your wound!” His coat was torn at the left arm dripping blood. While Fuki stared, Ouichirou lifted him off the ground.
“Hurry!”
“But…”
“It’s nothing.”
Fuki ran mindlessly as Ouichirou led him away.
*
“Which hospital did you say?”
“The memorial hospital in town.”
Fuki answered the truck driver’s questions carelessly.
“Ah, I think I’ve heard of it. My sister moved to here when she was married. Pity I can’t take you all the way.”
After leaving the station, they reached a highway where they had hailed down the truck. Any train station within walking distance was probably being watched, and no taxis were about at this time of night. Surmising that calling one would be too risky, they figured this was the best way to get away.
Asked if they were runaways, they replied that they were rushing to see their uncle in Hiroshima who didn’t have long to live.
Fuki had sprained his foot on the way to the main road. He insisted it was fine, but he also had blisters forming on his feet. Ouichirou decided that he should get some medicine and poultice once the chemists were open.
I’m more worried about you. Fuki had said. He had bandaged Ouichiou’s wound with a towel, and because the coat was black, the driver hadn’t noticed the tears or bloodstains. Fuki had been fussing with his arm for a while, but now he slept soundly against Ouichirou as Ouichirou held him to his side. So adorable, thought Ouichirou.
From the beginning, Fuki had been adorable as he had innocently sidled up to him and become attached. He was also as equally infuriating. To Fuki, he must’ve been a very convenient existence as both a brother-like playmate and servant. Ouichirou didn’t know how many times his pride had suffered when Fuki would make selfish demands as if to test him. And yet, he was drawn to him.
While becoming exasperated with his selfishness and looking on cynically at the demands Fuki made on an elder like himself, Ouichirou hadn’t followed his demands just because he had to. He had followed them because he found Fuki endearing.
Back home, he’d been known as the yakuza’s kid. He had also been in no way affable, and his expression was intimidating. Not being the type to avoid fights, he’d often caused an upheaval. That being the way he was, teachers and classmates alike had avoided his presence.
Except Fuki. From the beginning Fuki had become attached to him. It didn’t matter that he could only make a stern face. However harsh he was with him, Fuki stuck by Ouichirou and didn’t let go. He could only wonder at Fuki, who came repeatedly came back to someone who was so utterly cold with him. It was something he himself could never do.
He looked on, thinking this must be a happy-go-lucky guy, but at the same time, Ouichirou was comforted. While pretending to be weary of being at Fuki’s beck and call, he looked forward to the selfish demands.
Ouichirou wondered when it was that arousal had stirred within him. Fuki childishly wheedling for them to sleep together sounded like an invitation. He’d had to desperately try control himself as Fuki slept fully vulnerable by his side. There was even a time when he’d kissed him while he slept. He’d thought that if he were near Fuki any longer, he would tear him apart.
And he hated that such feelings might be discovered. He didn’t want to admit it. It was as if he admitted he loved Fuki, he would lose in some way. He tried to tell himself he wasn’t drawn to him, that it was just desire.
When Ouichirou began to distance himself, Fuki attempted to bind him that much more. If Ouichirou acted harsh, Fuki became beaten and sorrowful. Even when they stopped meeting, he could feel Fuki’s gaze following him whenever they were in the presence of one another. Although he pitied him, Fuki’s reactions made Ouichirou’s heart race, to the point where he himself thought he was going mad.
But such self-deceit vanished completely the instant he heard Fuki was going to be sold off to a pleasure house. He didn’t want anyone else to hold him. The thought was unforgivable. No one else could embrace Fuki. He had to stop him somehow. If Fuki refused, he was prepared to forcibly take him away.
Tortured by his thoughts to the point of madness, Ouichirou had been forced to acknowledge his feelings. He hadn’t gone to the inn on some business. He’d gone to see Fuki.
*
They bid farewell to the truck driver at a crossway. They decided to rest at a small park, where they sat under a tiny house made to look like cheese. It was perhaps about an hour or two from dawn. Ouichirou said that any hotels would be hard to book at this hour, and if by some chance they did, that it would be a love hotel. When Fuki said,
“I wouldn’t mind a love hotel.”
Ouichirou had bashfully answered,
“Idiot.”
Fuki truly didn’t mind going to a love hotel if it was with Ouichirou, but fearing that he’d be thought improper, he didn’t say any more. He might already be thought so from his decision to sell his body.
“You must be hungry. Shall I go get something to eat?” Ouichirou asked.
“I’ll go too.”
“Your leg will be sore. It’s raining anyway. I’ll be back soon.” Ouichirou was only thinking of his leg, telling him that looking around for a convenience store would be too much. Feeling a little lonely, Fuki nodded.
“Be back soon, alright? It’s fine if you don’t find anything. Got it?” said Fuki emphatically as he watched Ouichirou leave. Immediately after Ouichirou left, he heard a vibrating sound from the sports bag he had brought. His mobile. I guess I brought it with me. Fuki answered it without thinking. And froze.
“Hey, Fuki.” It was his brother. Fuki regretted answering it automatically without checking the caller.
“Where’s Ouichirou? Still there?”
“…I’ve just sent him shopping.”
“Good. Hey, you don’t pull your punches, huh? My bone’s fractured thanks to you. I just got out of the hospital. If I report you to the police, you’ll be on your way to jail.”
Fuki clenched his fist tightly.
“…Look who’s talking!...You wounded Ouichirou!” Coming at him with a knife. He had gotten away with a mere cut, but if he hadn’t been as strong Ouichirou may have been seriously injured. Or dead.
Hirotsugu ignored Fuki and continued.
“Come home right now, and I’ll call it even.”
“No.”
“You, do you know what you’re doing? If you don’t come back, we’re gonna have to pay off the debts with the old man’s life insurance.”
“ Wha…You can just sell the inn!”
“How much mortgage do you think I put on that thing?”
That was the first time Fuki had heard anything about mortgaging the inn. Thinking now, he guessed it should have been obvious.
“Then…Then…Pay it with your own life insurance! I’m not going back!”
Fuki knew his brother would never do something so praiseworthy. Leaving now was to abandon his father. His head spun with the fresh reminder, but he desperately didn’t want to go back. Ouichirou had come all this way for him. Fuki wanted a fresh new start with Ouichirou.
“Hm. Is that right.” His brother’s voice changed slightly- Hirotsugu was changing tactics.
“So I guess you’re fine with ruining Ouichirou’s future? He’ll be giving up university for your sake. And he was so sharp, too. I’m not so bad myself, but I never could catch up to that guy.”
Fuki’s heart twisted at his brother’s words.
“Guess you wouldn’t know as a brat, but the university he got into was pretty hard. Just when his future’s secure, he gets tangled up with you, the poor bugger. Eloping, getting chased by the yakuza, not being able to take a proper job…You fine with that, Fuki? His dream was to be a doctor, wasn’t it?”
It was true. From the beginning, Ouichirou had said that he would become a doctor. He didn’t say it out aloud, but Fuki thought that Ouichirou had wanted to help patients like his mother, who had passed away due to illness. It was his dream, and Fuki was an obstruction.
Fuki said desperately,
“But he said I was more important!”
Even as he spoke, Fuki’s heart felt like it was being gouged by his thoughts. His brother was dead on – Hirotsugu knew exactly what Fuki’s weaknesses were.
He laughed through his nose at Fuki.
“He’s just high on an adolescent sense of justice, that’s all. How long’s it going to last? How the hell are you worth all that?”
“I believe Ouichirou!”
“You’d better not take the Oomori Group too lightly. They’re all over the country. You do the slightest thing unusual and they’ll be on to you. Fuki, get used to lying low…because that’s how you’ll live for life. You gonna make Ouichirou live like that too? The guy who made it to the top? He’ll be killed when they find you.”
“Killed…!?”
“What else did you think would happen? He took off with valuable merchandise and sent Oomori members to hospital. His old man won’t get off either. Your dad, Ouichirou, his old man…You fine with killing 3 people, Fuki? I don’t like it either, you know, but I can’t rein in these guys.”
Fuki felt his blood drain away from his face. The image of Ouichirou getting stabbed came rushing back to his head. When he had seen that knife, he had gone cold all over. He had thought Ouichirou was going to die. And if Fuki stayed with him, it might well become a reality.
Why had he brought his mobile along? If he hadn’t, he could have run away without having to think about everything.
“Fuki.”
Hirotsugu’s voice was silky smooth, as if he knew the prey had fallen.
“The one who’s always been clinging to him was you, wasn’t it? Right from the beginning. It wasn’t Ouichirou. He was ice cold. You think a guy like that ran away with you because he loved you? What’re you doing dragging in somebody who’s doing it out of pity?”
“Come back.” His brother repeated.
“It’s no big deal. You go to the brothel, do some men. Who knows? Some big shot might pay your ransom[6] and if he becomes a doctor, Ouichirou might come visit too.”
Fuki felt deep-seated hatred towards his joking brother.
“…If I come back, you won’t lay a hand on Ouichirou?”
“Yeah.”
“And dad. And Ouichirou’s dad.”
“Yeah, I promise. I’ll sort it out with them.”
“…Fine.” Fuki replied with a shaking voice and hung up.
He choked on something surging through his body and screaming to be let out. Swallowing it down, Fuki wiped the tears threatening to overflow.
He had to get away quickly, before his resolve wavered.
Ouichirou would be coming back soon. If that happened, Fuki didn’t think he could talk. It had to be now. He stood up with his bag. He dragged his feet across the park to the entrance opposite the way Ouichirou had gone, but stood frozen beside the car park. There with a convenience store bag in his hand stood Ouichirou.
Ouichirou stared at him.
“Where are you going?”
His voice wouldn’t come out. Fuki didn’t know what to say. If only he could pass it all off and take Ouichirou’s hand. But there was no going back.
“…I’m going back.” Fuki said, staring at the ground.
“Going…What the hell?” His voice shook. Fuki could see Ouichirou was in a sense of panic.
It was a voice of disbelief, and it took Fuki all of his will to hold his tears back.
“Do you know what’s going to happen when you go back!? You’ll be sold…and you’ll have to do it with some guy you don’t even like!”
“I know! But…” Fuki interrupted. ‘We run away like this, and then what? I’ve never been broke and frankly, I’d rather sell myself. It’s no big deal. Everyone has sex anyway and some rich guy might ransom me out…It’s 100 years too early if you think you can take me! Geez, go graduate college first.”
He shut up as he was pushed against the wall by the collar. Ouichirou raised a fist, dropping the plastic bag. From inside, chocolates, pork steam buns and cream caramels tumbled out onto the ground. Even the brands were all Fuki’s favourites. He remembered. His eyes stung. If only he would punch me out, thought Fuki.
But Ouichirou let go of him, smashing his fist into the concrete wall instead. Fuki worried about the blood trickling down Ouichirou’s limp arm, but he had to go.
“Do your best in college.” With that, Fuki slipped past Ouichirou and ran to the road, where he flagged down a passing taxi.
He just hadn’t been able to bring himself to say goodbye.
[2] Sake - Japanese Rice Wine
[3] Literal translation -Soap Town - Congregation of bathhouses with attendants providing sexual favours.
[4] Yakuza members are known to cut off their pinkies as compensation for a mistake or betrayal.
[6] The price to get out from a brothel. Normally a huge amount of money.
